Jet Fuel Formula Episode 24: The Slippery Helm or Captain's Outrageous/Transcript
Narrator: '''Well, the ocean liner bearing our heroes is still sort of lost at sea with Captain "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz at the helm. They have gone more miles and gotten less places than any ship in the world. '''Newsboy 1: Extree! "Andalusia Approaches Perth Amboy!" Newsboy 2: 'Wuxtry! "Andalusia ''HITS ''Perth Amboy! Damage Great!" '''Narrator: '''And to make things even worse, the ship has now run out of food. '''Rocky: '''Boy, am I ever hungry! '''Bullwinkle: '''Yeah, me, too. '''Rocky: '''Just looking at pictures of food makes my mouth water. ''(Bullwinkle eats a picture of some food) 'Bullwinkle: '''Mmmm! '''Rocky: '''Bullwinkle, what are you eating? '''Bullwinkle: '''I just couldn't resist the picture, Rocky. So I ate it. '''Rocky: '''Okay, give me a page. '''Bullwinkle: '''Here's a fruit salad with cottage cheese. '''Rocky: '''Mmm! Delicious! Here, have a picture of standing rib roast in full color. '''Bullwinkle: '''Mmmm! '''Rocky: '''How is it? '''Bullwinkle: '''Well, I'd really like it a little more well-done. '''Narrator: '''Meanwhile, in the cabin just next door... '''Natasha: '''Boris, mooseberry bush has lost the will to live. What are we going to do? '''Boris: '''Get me Central Control. ''(Natasha hands Boris the radio's microphone) '''Boris: '''Hello, Fearless Leader? This is Boris Badenov, your friendly neighborhood spy speaking. '''Fearless Leader: ''(on radio) Come in, Friendly. '''Boris: '''Bush is in bad shape. What do we do? '''Fearless Leader: '(on radio) ''Who needs bush, you idiot? All we need are moose''berries. Boris: 'Natasha, quick, pick berries. '''Natasha: '''Shall I keep this one, Boris? '''Boris: '''No, it's too little. Throw it away. ''(Natasha throws it out the porthole, and a loud BOOM! is heard; Boris leaps into Natasha's arms) '''Natasha: ''(shocked) Boris, what happened? '''Fearless Leader: '(on radio) ''Remember, pit, mooseberries are werry explosive. Do not shake, rattle, or roll. '''Boris: 'Now ''you tell us! '''Natasha: '''Boris, how we're going to keep mooseberries safe? '''Boris: '''Easy. You sit here. I sit here. Mooseberries sit there. ''(Boris places a bowl of mooseberries on a pillow on a high shelf) Narrator: 'But Boris had reckoned without Captain Peachfuzz, who, at that moment, decided to change course. '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Fire the port! Course 50 Quarter 40! For a fight! '''Natasha: '''Boris, look! '''Narrator: '''As the boat heeled over, the closely guarded mooseberries skidded toward the porthole and out! ''(the bowl of mooseberries lands right on Bullwinkle's lap) 'Bullwinkle: '''Hmm? Oh boy! Must be snack time! Mmm! ''(Boris sees Bullwinkle with the mooseberries, who just ate one) '''Boris: '''You! '''Bullwinkle: '''Howdy, Sir Thomas! Have a yummy? '''Boris: '''Those--those berries! They're '''Bullwinkle: '''Oh, yeah, they're delicious. Wanna see me throw one up and catch it in my mouth? '''Boris: '''No! '''Bullwinkle: '''Oh, it's easy! '''Boris: ''(moans and faints)'' (Bullwinkle eats another mooseberry and something goes BOOM! inside him) Bullwinkle: 'Gee, these got kind of a kick to 'em. '''Natasha: '''Boris, he's fainted. '''Bullwinkle: '''Anything wrong, Lady Alice? '''Natasha: '''Oh, no, no, no, it's just the heat. '''Bullwinkle: '''The heat? I ain't been this cold since I left Frostbite Falls. BRRRR! ''(Bullwinkle shakes with the mooseberries) 'Boris: '''Don't shiver! Don't shiver! ''(to himself) ''If Moose jiggles those berries, we all go boom! ''(Boris opens the door) 'Boris: '''Come in, old pipsqueak! Have a warm in our cabin! '''Bullwinkle: '''Well, I don't mind if I--oop! ''(Bullwinkle trips, but Boris catches him) 'Bullwinkle: '''Must've tripped on the rug. '''Boris: '''We don't got a rug. '''Bullwinkle: '''Oh. ''(dissolve to the inside of Boris's cabin) 'Bullwinkle: '''Nice place you got here. It's kind of--HIC! ''(BOOM!) 'Natasha: '''What is it? '''Bullwinkle: '''I guess I got the hink-ups. HIC! ''(BOOM!) '''Boris: '''Water, quick! Best cure for hiccups, old chappy. '''Narrator: '''So Boris and Natasha tried every known hiccup remedy and cure available--ice water, hot water, more ice water, head in the bag, holding the breath-- '''Bullwinkle: '''How about standing on my head? '''Boris and Natasha: ''No!'' Bullwinkle: 'HIC! ''(BOOM!) 'Natasha: '''What do we do? '''Boris: '''What else? We scare him. ''(change to Boris looking out the porthole) '''Boris: '''Oh, that poor little fellow. '''Bullwinkle: '''What's that? '''Boris: '''Your little friend, Rocky, just fell overboard. '''Bullwinkle: ''Rocky!'' 'Narrator: '''And Bullwinkle went flying out of the cabin, tripped on the doorsill, catapulted over the rail, and, still stuffed with explosive, plummeted toward the deck 30 feet below! Don't fail to see our next episode: ''Bullwinkle Makes a Hit or I Get a Bang Out of You!